It’s hard for me to write these words, because for a while now, I’ve been seeing myself in you, and that scares me. Lately, you’ve been feeling a lot of worry; you seem anxious and are trying to put it into words, but you’re still too young to find the right ones.
My daughter, my little one, I’m going to tell you this: Mom is at her wit’s end trying to help you. Not because we haven’t already tried seeking help from outside sources, but simply because the way you’re feeling—Mom has felt that way before and still often feels that way. The panic that takes hold of you when you’re overwhelmed by anxiety—I understand it, and it scares me, because I don’t want you to go through what I go through every day: anxiety.
Ever since the day I found out you were on the way, I promised myself I’d do everything I could to make sure you never had to feel that way, but unfortunately, I don’t really have any control over it. The apple never falls far from the tree; you can’t help who you’re related to—you’re my flesh and blood, your mom’s daughter. The only thing I can do is guide you and help you manage it all, but right now, I feel helpless.
Mom doesn’t know how to give you the tools she has. Mom has lost all her bearings… The anxiety you’re showing, I feel it too; I’m experiencing just as much fear and stress as you are, because I don’t know how to take that feeling away from you—and that, in turn, scares me and fills me with anxiety. At just 4 years old, you shouldn’t have to go through this; at just 4 years old, you should be experiencing pure joy—you should be playing without a care in the world, without fear or worry. Unfortunately, everything going on around us—the hustle and bustle of life—means you’re faced with so many new things, which makes you anxious because of the unfamiliarity.
Sweetheart, sometimes Mom regrets making choices without realizing that they put you in a panic. Mom is sorry for that. I’d love so much to protect you from all these sources of anxiety, but unfortunately, life will continue to be this way, even if Mom doesn’t want it to. Life moves quickly around us, and whether you’re 4 or 19, it’s going to keep going. The only thing I can do is help you find the tools you need to manage this stress and these fears, so you can live normally without panic every day.
For now, I’m running out of ideas on this front, but I promise I’ll find and do everything I can to guide you. I love you, my anxious little girl.