You know how to make this little guy happy: a little fishing trip, a weekend of camping, a bag of candy, a few bucks for his piggy bank, some nice promises… Until not too long ago, all that worked just fine, but he’s grown up. He’s 9 now, and yes, he’s a big boy!
This little guy I’m trying to raise and raise right has already seen far worse things than most people: your joint, your bag of crack, your shady deals, the stuff you stole and brought home right in front of him, the money you gave him for his little piggy bank that you snatched back in the middle of the night to go buy yourself another joint… Amid all that, tell me, when did you ever think about him? When did you ever think that what you were doing made you a good dad?
I’ve never doubted your love for our child, but honestly, your ability to set a good example for him and raise him to be a good man is nonexistent!!! I put up with this for a long time before deciding to let the lioness in me come out to set some boundaries—enough is enough! When I hear my son—whom I carried in my belly for nine months and whom I take care of every day—tell me: “Well, Mom, I know Dad’s definitely not going to keep his promise,” or “Mom, I think Dad took back the money he gave me because I don’t have it anymore,” or even “Mom, Dad took my PS3 to the pawn shop,” my heart aches so badly that I just want to hold him in my arms and cry with him.
Today, I got a call telling me that you were arrested by the police—right in front of him, no less! My little boy, at just 9 years old, looked at me and said, “Mom, when I grow up, I’m going to work—I’m going to go to school and then I’m going to work!” That moment… phew!! Those two little sentences comforted my mother’s heart, but he’s the one who needs reassurance and comfort. He acts tough, but I know that this child—so fragile—is going through and feeling all of this inside without really showing it, despite my best efforts! He’s so small, yet so big at the same time! But that’s not by choice—it’s because you’ve forced him to be this way with your nonsense!
At this point, all I can do is hope and keep trying so he can grow up, thrive, and live without too many negative consequences from your actions! I have to admit that I’ve often dreamed that you’d move to the other side of the world and forget about him, hoping that he’d forget you too! But at the same time, even though it’s extremely hard for me to accept—much to my despair—I know he needs his dad!! When you look at him through the glass separating you in prison, I hope you’ll see in his eyes the pain, the harm you’re causing him. I dare to hope that you’ll feel all the insecurity he’s going through because of you! I resent you for stealing our little guy’s innocence and childhood! Because, well, yes, that’s exactly what you did!
Son, be strong, stay the course. Dad is in prison, but that doesn’t mean your path is set—you’ll find your own way!