There’s hardly anything better for a mom than hugs from her children. They have this ability to make time stand still.
My oldest was a clingy baby. Breastfeeding would last almost an hour, with us curled up against each other. I have memories of naps together, always snuggled up, where we’d fall asleep side by side, with her little hand on my neck. Even as a teenager, she still comes and snuggles up against me while we watch a movie. This child is incredibly sensitive and loves hugs. Cheek-to-cheek hugs, nose-to-nose hugs, forehead-to-forehead hugs, heart-to-heart hugs. Hugs have also healed all her little scrapes and celebrated all her small and big accomplishments. In short, every hug is pure joy—for her as much as for me!
Then along came Miss C, a cheerful and resilient baby. A baby who didn’t need to be rocked to sleep, a baby whose feedings lasted 10 minutes tops. Naptime with Miss C was anything but restful; she was constantly moving and doing the star pose in bed. A cheek-to-cheek hug? Miss C would burst out laughing and pinch my nose.
One day, I read somewhere that a 30-second hug has the same effect as pain medication. In fact, after just seven seconds of physical contact, the brain releases oxytocin. Imagine after 30 seconds… just how much of a sense of well-being and calm you feel. According to Jan Astrom, Ph.D., author of a study published in the journal *Comprehensive Psychology*, just 10 seconds of tender physical contact each day helps lower high blood pressure, reduce the risk of cardiovascular disease, alleviate stress, decrease fatigue, ward off depression, and even strengthen our immune system. Several studies show that simply triggering the release of oxytocin makes us feel happy.
That’s how I started the 30-second hugs with Miss C. Every morning, I savored her hugs… and one day, I realized that that little rascal, Miss C, was silently counting to 30 before going off to do her other activities! We had a good laugh, and the tradition of the 30-second hug continues, morning and night. Sometimes, I can almost hear her counting while giggling. Other times, I sense that she’s truly seeking—or offering—comfort. Sometimes, she tells me she isn’t counting, but I suspect otherwise. It’s become a game… one that’s been going on for several years. The beauty of it is that, either way, these hugs—whether calculated or not—release the “happiness hormone” and make us happy.
I’d add that these hugs are a privilege we cherish in our family. I’ve never encouraged my children to hug all our relatives, much less strangers—or even Santa Claus. I should point out that my in-laws are French, and I’m well aware that in France, children are often asked to give hugs to family friends on command. I also know that it’s with the best of intentions that people ask children to give a hug to Mrs. X or Mr. So-and-so…. Please know that it’s also with the best of intentions that I defy this cultural difference by letting my children choose whom to hug and when. Even my 30-second morning hug is optional. In fact, this morning, when I read this text to Miss C, I got a big smile—but no hug.