I’ve heard through the grapevine that school boards might decide to allow nuts in schools again and focus on raising awareness about allergies rather than on regulations. I don’t even know if this is true or how serious it is, but I’d still like to address you, the parents of children who aren’t allergic.
I was in your shoes less than a year ago. No allergies in the family—life was great! The dietary restrictions were a bit of a hassle, but I adapted as needed. Then life gave me a wonderful gift—a second son—but one with a weak spot: peanuts.
So I’m talking to you, the mom who’s already racking her brain every day trying to pack varied, healthy, and nutritious lunches for school. I understand that finding peanut-free or nut-free foods makes your life a little more complicated. I know it would be easier for you to just grab the first snack you come across in the pantry, without worrying about the ingredient label. I can totally imagine that sometimes, when you’re in a hurry, you’d love to just pack a good old-fashioned peanut butter sandwich— peanut in your child's lunchbox.
I'd like that, too, you know. I'm sorry to bother you about my son's allergy, but we didn't ask for any of this. The truth is, his allergy bothers me more than it bothers you. The difference is that we have no choice but to live with it.
Put yourself in my shoes for two minutes, please. For me, it’s like this every day—not just Monday through Friday, and not just for dinner. Grocery shopping takes me a long time because I have to check the ingredient list on every item I buy. Yes, we have our go-to items that we know are safe, but we want to mix things up sometimes too, so I have no choice but to read everything. For us, going to a restaurant is complicated. It’s also tricky to stop at a fast-food place or a mall to grab a quick bite, because no one ever dares to guarantee that there aren’t any traces of peanuts. Not great, is it?
Wait, don’t leave just yet—stay in my shoes for two more minutes. Now imagine having to leave your child in a public place, all alone, without being able to make sure they’re safe. As if there were a bomb that could go off at any moment and snatch them away from you. That’s how I feel. When I have to drop him off at school, knowing that there are parents who don’t take his allergy seriously, there’s a good chance I’ll panic. You see, this isn’t just a whim. He could to die all because of a single peanut. Since I won't be there to watch over him anyway, it would mean the world to me to be able to count on the empathy of the other parents, to be able to trust them.
Don't get me wrong—I'm all for raising awareness. Rest assured that I'll explain to him how important it is not to share his snacks and lunch, no matter how tempting it might be for a 5-year-old. I'll do my best to trust him, but I'm not fooled either—I know full well that kids often have a hard time resisting temptation.
I know you’ll probably tell your kids, too, to keep their snacks to themselves. You’ll tell them it can be dangerous for other friends, and I thank you for that. That said, even if you and I raise our children to be aware of this, I don’t think it’s enough. A little peanut can slip out so easily. It’s so easy to jump up and run off to play right away and forget to wash your hands after eating nuts.
So please, keep my child in mind when you’re packing lunches for the week. I promise you, it’s easier than you think to substitute nuts! Sunflower seeds, pumpkin seeds, soy butter… there are plenty of options!
I don't want to lose my baby, my love, over a stupid peanut. I assure you that your child won't be missing out on anything essential if he or she avoids nuts Monday through Friday, from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m.
Note: I am well aware that there are many other allergies that are just as serious as peanut allergies. I am simply telling you about my own experience. I dare to hope that if a child has a severe allergy to another food, the school will take the necessary steps to prevent any disasters.