I’m writing this anonymously because, since my parents and in-laws probably read my posts on Maman Caféine, I’d feel a little awkward having to explain the nuances of my comments to them over a casual Sunday-night dinner.
Sometimes I wonder how men and women manage to be on the same page sexually. I think couples who share exactly the same ideals about intimacy are very lucky—and by that, I mean both in terms of fantasies and the frequency of sex.
In our household (and I honestly thought it was the same everywhere until a friend confirmed that in her household, it’s the complete opposite), the man is “in the mood” 24 hours a day, and the woman considers herself “normal” if she sees sex 2–3 times a week as her ideal. Most of the time, this doesn’t cause much friction; men have learned over time that there’s no point in rushing or forcing things to happen more often, so they know when to fall back on “the internet.”
On the other hand, every once in a while, he tries to show his slightly “wilder” side by suggesting something a little unexpected. Seriously, I don’t consider myself a one-dimensional woman who has only one position, one place in the house, and one time of day (and I don’t judge those who are comfortable with that routine); I’ve already started things off in the spa while the kids were in bed or had sex in the hotel bathroom while the little ones were snoozing in the adjoining room. I didn’t stop having sex when I had kids, but yes, kids do create certain limits.
In the morning, when I’m making lunches while the kids watch TV, I love it when my husband hugs me, kisses me, and tells me he loves me… though maybe not as much as when he tries to slip his hand into my panties. Seriously? The kids are less than 10 meters away from us. Just because they’re watching *Passe-Partout* doesn’t mean you get to go “Passe-Partout” on me. At the same time, what are you even trying to accomplish by doing that? I get that some men (including mine) like knowing they can please or satisfy their partner. I get that. But right now? Do you really want me to be going “Oh yeah, oh yeah” right next to the kids? Do you really feel like explaining the birds and the bees to our preschoolers on a Monday morning?
I think that with or without kids, it’s possible to be bold and spontaneous during sex, but it takes good communication to clearly state your own boundaries, expectations, and desires. Since men are from Mars and women are from Venus, it’s normal that we don’t think the same way, so it’s also normal to verbalize things a little more. Verbal communication probably won’t boost your libido… though…