I was strong, proud, and full of life. I charged straight ahead, head held high. My heart was full of dreams, my eyes full of stars, and my head full of ambition. Above all, I was convinced that there is good in all of us.
Then we met. That evening, I was feeling especially good. We saw each other a few more times. I got to know you. Behind your “bad boy” exterior lay a sensitive man—someone who had made mistakes in the past but who now wanted to build a healthy, stable life for himself. I chose to trust you. Our story would have a happy ending—that was your promise.
Subtly, you wove your web. You now had control over my social life—my friends had become yours—without me even realizing it. Things spiraled out of control; little by little, your behavior changed. I discovered a more impulsive side to you. You sucked me into a whirlwind; a series of meaningless events, of gestures devoid of love. I was full of doubts, but also full of hope. Everything would fall back into place; everything would become as promising as before. I had too much to lose. You managed to paralyze me, to strip me of all my “drive” and all my strength of character.
Small acts of kindness gave way to outbursts of anger. Affection gave way to bruises. You took everything from me—my dignity, my money, my trust, and so much more.
One day I came to my senses, and I wanted it to end. But you had other plans. I wanted to leave, but you stood in my way. What happened then can’t be explained or put into words. Before I knew it, I found myself at the police station. Then the charges were filed: theft and false imprisonment. Except that behind those two words lie so much more…
You served your time; you paid your debt. But I’m still paying. I pay every time I catch myself looking around to make sure you’re not there when I’m in a crowd or in a car. I pay every time I think about my daughter, who will one day be in a relationship, and I have no idea how I’m ever going to handle that. I pay every time I’m afraid. Except that most of the time, as far as I’m concerned, you no longer exist.
I’ve come a long way. Today, I’ve picked myself up and forged ahead in honor of the person I used to be. Today, life has given me the gift of an absolutely wonderful man. Today, I look into my children’s eyes and I’m proud. Today, I can say that I’m the one who came out on top. Today, I’m no longer the person I used to be, but a better version of myself. Today, my heart is filled with love, and the stars have returned to their rightful place—in my eyes…
Anonymous