Editor’s Note: This article was written by a contributor and not by Maman Caféine.
It took me so long to find our family balance. After going through postpartum depression, I didn’t know where I fit in our family anymore. Today, I’ve finally found that balance. I work, I love what I do, and I feel good. I even have time to take a yoga class every now and then. In the evening, I come home and take care of our kids. I’m happy with the routine we’ve built.
You, on the other hand, want to shake up this routine by having another child. I understand your desire, but let me explain something to you:
You’ll go back to work after five weeks of leave. I’ll be at home for a year. You’ll get back into your routine and be able to play soccer once a week, while I’ll be breastfeeding and rocking the baby to sleep. It’ll take me another two years to regain some semblance of balance—and that’s if everything goes well. I’ve already had postpartum depression—it could happen again. A new baby is a box of surprises; he might have special needs. Getting back on track could be harder than expected.
I understand your desire, but do you understand me when I tell you that I just can’t do it?
Right now, I’m doing well. I mean, I’m finally doing well. I’m happy—at last. Bringing a new child into this still-fragile happiness seems far too risky to me—and above all, unnecessary. Do you think you’ll be able to settle for the two children we already have and let go of this desire that drives you? Because I, despite all my love for you, can’t jeopardize the stability I’ve worked so hard to achieve. All I want is for you to understand me and accept the situation, because, my love, I want to keep moving forward with you.
I love you, my love, but that’s not reason enough to have a child with you. I love you. Please, understand me. Please, stay with me.