Finding out you’re unexpectedly pregnant is scary. You think to yourself, “Oh my gosh, how am I going to tell my boyfriend?”
You stress out right up until the big announcement. How will he react? Will he be happy?
It happened to me. I convinced my husband it was good news. We told our families. We were happy; the pregnancy was going great. Everything was perfect, but I had a bad feeling. You know how it is, moms—we sense so many things…
One evening, I asked my husband to talk to the baby, to tell it to hold on tight. For once, he didn’t tell me I was overreacting; he leaned over my belly and said these words:
“Hang in there, little baby.”
A few days later, at the 12-week ultrasound, we were told that our little angel’s heart had stopped beating several weeks earlier. I’d never heard of anything like that before. I was stunned. My husband couldn’t even bring himself to talk about it. He’s the type to keep everything to himself.
I imagined everything I was going to miss. Your birth, your first smile—all those little moments of happiness were taken from me. Were you a boy or a girl? Were you going to have your father’s dimples or your mother’s big eyes? All these questions haunted me. I couldn’t sleep anymore. I needed to understand. I wanted to know why you’d left so soon. Why didn’t I get the chance to be a mother myself? Was it because I didn’t have what it took?
I had to stop working. I took some time for myself. I said I never wanted to get pregnant again.
One evening, while I was relaxing in the bath, my husband came to chat with me. I told him I’d changed my mind. I wanted to get pregnant again. He told me we could start trying as soon as my health allowed.
A few months later, a little spark of joy was growing inside me.
So I want to thank that little one who made a brief but important appearance in our lives—the one who made my husband realize he was ready to be a father. And there it was: I had the answer to my question. He was there to show his dad that he wanted a child.
Take good care of your little sister, our miracle, our rainbow baby.
And to all the women going through similar trials, take the time you need to grieve and take care of yourselves. Time heals all wounds. Trust in it.