I’m going to share my experience because I don’t want to presume to know or understand what every mom of a child who’s different feels, but I sincerely believe that many of you will see yourselves in this. And I have a special message for you, mom who’s different, who’s asking yourself, “Why? Why me?” It’s simple: you were chosen!
The day I started to notice that my child wasn’t developing like the others, I tried to bury it deep inside, telling myself it was just a phase, that he’d catch up with the others eventually. Then came the punch right in the face. Learning that my child is different turned my world upside down. I wasn’t worried about the fact that he was different, but about the struggle he would have to face his whole life. My heart ached at the thought that he would be rejected, that he would feel misunderstood more often than not. Then came the wave of guilt, as I wondered what I had done—or failed to do. I had to cope not only with my own grief, but also with that of my loved ones. My poor mom, who asked me to stop saying that my son is autistic because it broke her heart. I’ve even been asked if it could be because of the antidepressants I took while pregnant or if I’d had my son vaccinated. People look for someone to blame, for a reason. Then I started crying out to the heavens: “Why me??”
Do you ask yourself that too, fellow mom? Do you wonder, despite all the love you have for your child, why you? I’ll answer that for you!
Because you were chosen! Out of all the people on Earth, you were chosen—you—to care for such a fragile little being. Because you’re the best person to care for him. You have all the qualities needed to love and help this extraordinary little being feel special despite his differences. You have a strength and determination you don’t even realize you have yet! I know! I know! It’s tough, and often you feel like s***, but don’t give in to those kinds of thoughts—because they’re wrong. Your little one is looking at you, and he or she thinks you’re wonderful and counts on you! The way you look at him or her is worth more than a million judgmental glances.
And I don’t want you to think I’m downplaying what you’re going through or that I’m some “life’s a breeze” optimist! I’m going through—and have gone through—some very difficult times, just like you. I know you don’t want to be the one chosen, that you didn’t ask for this role—I told myself the same thing. But the idea that I’m the only one who can take care of them, and my faith, help me so much to roll up my sleeves when things get too hard—and I sincerely hope that my words will resonate in your heart when you’re at the end of your rope.
Surround yourself with people who lift you up and who make your child’s differences irrelevant. Find a network of people who understand you, even if that network is only virtual. Don’t stay alone. Look at yourself in the mirror and see how special you are for having been chosen to care for this special child. You are wonderful just as you are, a different kind of mom, and know that you’re not alone! I know exactly what you’re going through and all the sacrifices you’re making, and I’m thinking of you very much!