Listen up, caffeine-fueled community—I’m angry. I don’t consider myself an angry person in general—far from it. I run from anger the way a vegetarian runs from a rare steak.
People who follow public figures on social media just to tear them down at the first opportunity—I just can’t take it anymore. I can’t believe that in 2020, with all the awareness campaigns out there about bullying, mothers still feel entitled to tell other mothers that they’re selfish, opportunistic, and bad mothers.
Who are you to tell me that my child is a spoiled brat after reading 20 lines about a completely trivial episode in my life? Who are you to tell me I shouldn’t have had children just because, sometimes, I find it hard to be alone with my boys so often? Who are you to tell me I don’t have the right to go on a week-long trip—whether for leisure or business—just because I have children?
When Maman Caféine left to pursue an opportunity that would never come around again, you tore her down with a cruelty that you yourselves would have denounced loud and clear in the schoolyard. A bad mother, a child-abandoner, no conscience: “How can you just leave on a whim like that when you’re a mother? ” “Who’s taking care of your kids?” (And I’m being polite here—I’ve read some truly mean and disrespectful things, but I’ll hold back.)
What baffles me is that when it’s a father who goes on a trip, who’s alone with the kids, who complains about grocery carts that are too small and car seats, none of these mothers ask him who’s taking care of the kids; no one tells him to stop whining or says his child is a spoiled brat. Everyone encourages him, laughs with him about the little annoyances, and wishes him well so he can enjoy his time off and/or the opportunities. Under every post by a public figure, there are mean, degrading, and disrespectful comments.
So my question is this: what are you even doing in this community if, every time something is posted, it doesn’t sit well with you—or worse, it’s completely off-topic—and you think everything said is just crap? Do yourself a favor, find something else to do, and stop following the page that brings out your meanness so much—whether it’s this one or another.
Calling someone a bad mother… that’s so uncalled-for and mean. A bad mother is someone who is violent, neglectful, and/or manipulative toward her children. I don’t think anyone hits their child or deliberately sends them outside naked when it’s -30.
We’re all moms—different, sure, but good moms. We all do our best with the resources, possibilities, and opportunities we have. Just because you don’t do things the same way as someone else doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. Would you like to have the same things as someone else? Get up, step away from your screen, and work hard to get them. When will we see true solidarity among moms—among women?
Just because you disagree doesn’t give you the right to be mean, and if I read a comment like, “Yeah, but if you agreed to be in the public eye, you have to expect to be judged,” I’ll roll my eyes like never before—and then I’ll send you lots and lots and lots of love because, clearly, you’re lacking it in your life.
With that said, I hope we have wonderful conversations—discussions focused on substance rather than form—filled with love, support, and encouragement. Because we’re all in (at least) the same boat: the marvelous ocean liner of motherhood…