When you’re a little girl, you play with dolls. Sometimes you role-play with your brothers and sisters or friends, and that often leads to misunderstandings because several of you want to be the mom. Before long, you’re already saying that you’ll be a mom one day. When you hit your teens, some people are already starting to think about how many kids they’ll have—sometimes even what their names will be. Others start saying that they don’t want kids. They’d rather be an uncle or an aunt. cool, they don't think they have the patience, or they're afraid of the responsibilities that will come with it.
You want children. For as long as you can remember, you’ve always wanted children. In fact, you’ve never really stopped to think about it. In your family, everyone has had children, and it just feels natural to continue that tradition. You set out to find the perfect father for your children. You meet someone who doesn’t want kids. It makes you wonder: Could you ever imagine never being a mom? Never bringing a child into the world? Maybe you could just be the cool aunt ?
A few years later, you find out you’re pregnant. You’re very happy and feeling all mixed up. You wanted this child; you’d been trying to conceive for several months; you’re ready to take on the responsibility of caring for a little one. Then the anxiety sets in. “Am I ready to be a mom? Will I be a good mother? Will I have the strength and patience? How much will it cost? What should I do first? What will happen if I can’t handle it? There’s no return policy like in stores—I’m stuck with it.”
After months of waiting, your baby arrives. All your doubts disappear. You’ve never felt so much love. You laugh at yourself as you think back on your endless worries. Your baby is growing, and you’re happy despite the lack of sleep.
One day, it hits you—you just can’t take it anymore. You blame yourself for everything and nothing. You start to tell yourself that, after all, you weren’t cut out to be a mom. For some women, it’s the baby blues that’s just beginning. This isn’t something that only happens in the first few months—it can happen even after a year. For others, it might be a particular time of year that’s more difficult—you feel stressed and find yourself questioning everything. Just know that in either case, it’s normal.
Questions about your role as a mother, the way you raise your children—are you up to the task? You’ll have them your whole life. At every stage of your children’s lives, the same questions will come back to you. “Was I cut out to have kids?” will cross your mind when they’re not sleeping through the night, when they start running and climbing everywhere, when they reach adolescence, and when they’re ready to leave home.
No matter how many times you’ve complained that the deadline for reimbursement had passed, you’ve picked yourself up, and you would never have wanted to miss the milestones your child has reached. You wouldn’t change a thing in the world when you see them grow and develop. So, to you, the mom who still doubts herself—it’s normal. With every child you have, you’ll surely ask yourself the same questions.
No matter how many times you second-guess yourself, you’ll laugh at yourself when you realize how lucky you are to be the mother of such a wonderful child. With every hug, kiss, act of tenderness, or even a bit of teasing, you’ll tell yourself that you made the right choice and that you can’t imagine living any other way.