I have a dear friend of nearly 15 years. We met in high school and hit it off right away. Throughout our teenage years and much of our adult lives, we’ve been best friends. We agreed on almost everything—our tastes, music, values, and life plans.
Then last year, my friend got pregnant. A few months later, so did I. I called her the very same day I saw the two little pink lines on my pregnancy test, so excited at the thought that we were pregnant at the same time. She cried tears of joy on the phone, while her daughter was doing somersaults in her belly. What a joy! Our dreams were coming true; we were starting our families.
I quickly realized, however, that in some ways, we were less alike than I’d thought. We were both on the same path, but we were taking two different routes, so to speak.
My friend preferred not to take any chances and deprived herself of a lot of things. If there was even the slightest uncertainty about whether a certain food was safe to eat during pregnancy, she’d avoid it. I wouldn’t say I didn’t care about those risks, but let’s just say I took things much more lightly. Cheese? Cold cuts? Too good to pass up! Does an egg have to be fully cooked? Come on, I’ve been eating runny eggs my whole life—it’s not like that’s going to change now!
My friend gave birth at a birthing center, where she felt more at ease. No way was she going to a hospital! For me, it was the opposite. That’s where I didn’t want to take the slightest risk; if anything went wrong, I wanted to already be at the hospital.
My friend is breastfeeding her little girl and is thinking about extended breastfeeding. As for me, I breastfed for two months and almost always gave him a bottle, too. My friend shares her bed with her daughter and her husband. As for me, I shared my room (not my bed) for three months, then sent my son to his own room. For her, everyone sleeps better in the same bed. My son sleeps better without the morning noise from the dog and my boyfriend getting up to go to work. My friend warms her baby food in a container filled with hot water; I use the microwave. My friend cares for her baby with all-natural products, and I have mine vaccinated.
In short, there’s not much we do the same way when it comes to taking care of our kids. But you know what? We love each other just the same. Just as much as before. We don’t even judge each other. I wouldn’t do things her way, and she’d never do things my way. So what! I’d even go so far as to say that our approaches, though diametrically opposed, help us grow. She helps me see things from a different perspective; I’m more open to more natural methods, which aren’t very common in my family. I hope I’m also helping her see things differently and consider options she wouldn’t otherwise think of.
We both love our children just as much. I think she has a wonderful daughter, and she’s charmed by my son. We know that the other is an exceptional mother and that she does what she believes is best for her child. That’s all that matters, and it seems to me that’s how it should be for everyone.