How can you convince yourself that it’s okay? That you have beautiful children. That each of your pregnancies was different, with its own share of tears, worries, and regrets—like when you just ate an entire bag of chips after a Drumstick. In short, those memories already seem so far away.
These days, it’s everywhere—even if you don’t go out in public, you see plenty of expectant moms or moms with their babies or their beautiful baby bumps on Facebook and Instagram. That’s when your mind starts wandering, as if you’d opened the door to your hormones. And there it goes—the famous “What if…?”—and “Me too.” That kind of “what if”—the one that makes you daydream—where you even start thinking of names for a girl and a boy. At night before bed, you lose long minutes—maybe even an hour of sleep—just to keep drifting off into that “what if I had another baby” fantasy. Feeling a little being move inside you.
And BAM—as if a hurricane had just swept through—the rational side of your mind, Ms. Reason, snaps you back to your own reality with ironclad arguments like:
- Do you really want to gain weight again?
- How are you going to manage with the other kids?
- We’re short one bedroom in the house.
- What about your boyfriend? (He’s usually already made up his mind.)
- Sleepless nights and diapers—things that ended ages ago—would be back.
In short, the tears come—this is a tough loss to grieve. If you’re a mom, you get it. During pregnancy—and especially when you’re in the thick of it—you dream of watching them grow up, become more independent, and finally catch your breath. Then, once things calm down, you start fretting at the thought of being alone someday. Life is strange sometimes—there’s probably nothing to understand, except that our hormones are stronger than anything else, and that we have love to give—so much love. Becoming a mom—isn’t that beautiful? It’s hard to beat.
Let’s respect ourselves—even if it’s reluctantly—because deep down we know our family is complete, and that one day other surprises will come. In the meantime, I can still dream about it.