Okay! First off, I know that fairy-tale births do exist. However, they’re much less common than the “juicy” stories from most of the moms I know.
Every time someone tells me about their birth, I find myself laughing throughout the whole story. Not that it’s necessarily funny, but it always brings back a flood of feelings and memories. Because let’s face it, ladies—it’s a moment that drastically changes our lives, but it’s not our most glorious moment!
Whether it’s the woman whose water breaks right in the middle of the Walmart aisle or the one who starts screaming her head off with every contraction while desperately waiting for the anesthesiologist to give her that DAMN epidural, we’re clearly not at our best! But when you look back on it later, it’s actually pretty funny! I often see birth stories on social media that seem straight out of a Hollywood movie.
So I’ll summarize my two births in a few sentences, just for a little laugh!
Baby #1, my son.... 29 hours total before he dared to make an appearance... 24 hours of contractions before I asked for the epidural. And at that point, with my brain a total mush, I started spouting nonsense to everyone!!!
“I’m going to lay this one out like a ninja!”
“Go ahead, turn me around again like a little chicken!”
Oopelaye… my boy finally came out… I started throwing up for 3 hours, sitting cross-legged in the delivery room. Definitely a day to forget!
Baby #2, my daughter… 8 hours total. Natural birth (great idea, girl! Clearly, you’re going to die here today!) Everything goes smoothly and quickly as soon as we arrive at the hospital! Finally, after my water breaks, my tone changes drastically once I hit 8 cm dilated—you know how it is! (Not to mention that I started screaming like a damn maniac because my pretty panties were getting seriously hot!) The doctor rushed into the room, finally catching my daughter mid-air—and at the same time, getting the rest of my amniotic fluid all over her pretty black-framed glasses!
The first thing she said after the delivery: “I’m SO sorry!” and she replies that it’s no problem, wiping her glasses with the lab coat she hadn’t had time to put on! #sorrynotsorry
Whether you experience a “princess-like” birth or one straight out of a horror movie, each one is unique and has given us beautiful children whom we love with every fiber of our being. Clearly, we’d do anything for the flesh of our flesh, but let’s be honest… lying on our backs, knees to our chins, sweating, screaming our heads off, and praying to God not to do a number two on the table—we’re not at our best!
With that said, I tip my hat to you! Whether you’re a natural mom, had an epidural, or a C-section, we’ve all given our best for our children—even if things don’t always go as planned!
What about you—what’s your birth story?