Two years ago, my boyfriend and I decided to embark on the wonderful journey of starting a family. We were ready to welcome these little ones into our home, which we’d made just the way we wanted it. Being a few years older, I’d been looking forward to this moment for quite some time. After all, I was almost 29, and I want to have three children before I turn 35. I was so excited to have finally reached this point in our lives. I say “excited” so as not to say “euphoric.” From the very first month, I imagined telling our loved ones the news.
The first few months went by without too many worries. My doctor told me not to worry until we’d been trying for a year. Then, sadness started to set in every month when we realized it wasn’t going to happen that month. My heart would skip a beat whenever someone asked me, “So, any kids on the way soon?”
I still wonder today how to answer that question…
We say we’re busy with all our projects. It’s easier than telling the truth and making things awkward—or hearing that a friend or neighbor has been through the same thing. There’s also the traditional “your turn will come,” which we don’t want to hear anymore.
Then, after 12 months had passed, we decided to make an appointment at a fertility clinic. We began the long list of tests. I can tell you it’s a huge emotional and physical investment. I went through a whole range of emotions. Fortunately, my boyfriend was there with me, giving me the courage to keep going.
The verdict came five months later: we have very little chance of conceiving without medical assistance. So we started treatment with medications and injections in order to attempt our first insemination in the third month. I’ve never taken so many medications in my life. I can also say that my boyfriend got a glimpse of what a woman is like when her hormones are all over the place. It wasn’t easy, between my bouts of aggression and my moments of depression… so many emotions that I couldn’t even explain to myself.
Finally, the day of our first attempt arrived. That morning, I felt calm and happy. We’d had good results on the ultrasound three days earlier. My body was ready, and I hoped the first try would be the one.
Fifteen days later, the pregnancy test showed just one pink line. The long-awaited second line was still conspicuously absent, while the disappointment was all too real… once again.
I decided to write about these difficult moments for all the couples who have also been going through this for months—and perhaps even years. Statistics show that one in six couples in Canada is affected by fertility issues.