When I chose to build a life with this man, to make him my family and my everything, I must have suspected that there would be another side to our family: his… just as he had to learn to live with my side of the family. We’ve had to adapt to the different personalities of the people around us—to their pasts, their struggles, their sorrows, their joys, and their moments of happiness. We must learn to fit in and carve out a place for ourselves in the lives of these important people.
For me, the other side of our family was much harder to understand and come to terms with. Its members are plagued by a great deal of suffering and inner demons. Since I, too, carry my own worries, demons, and anxiety, I had a very hard time opening up and keeping an open mind. An important pillar is missing from their lives! I would have loved so much to meet her, for her to understand, for her to bring us together, for her to ease the tensions, for her to help us understand each other’s perspectives and differences. We would have needed her so much. Especially right now!
When I think about spending my life with this man, I realize I’ll have to accept everything. I’ll have to accept that they’ll tell their children I’m their aunt. Without asking my opinion, they’ll place me in this very close relationship with this little one whom I barely know. They’ll make strange comments that I’ll have to brush off and laugh off. They’ll talk about their childhood in ways I won’t understand, so I’ll have to listen and keep to myself. But do we really have to accept EVERYTHING? Yes, we love this man, but there are some things that are just unacceptable, aren’t there?
A conflict involves two people; both sides are at fault. Should I accept that the blame is being placed on my shoulders and just go along with what they say? Should I keep the truth to myself for my man’s sake? Should I let them say whatever they want and take it as if it were a slap in the face, without even flinching? With everything that’s going on, I’m starting to feel guilty—as if I’m preventing my man from seeing his own side, as if I’m asking someone else to make the call, as if I’m deciding not to let a little boy and a little girl spend time together. I’m capable of accepting a lot of things, but all of this?
It’s in moments like these that I take it in stride, concede they’re right, and move on. In this situation, with the words that have been spoken, I just wouldn’t be able to do that. I’m capable of many things, but not right now. Compromise? Yes! Asking me to forget everything? No! Keeping quiet for the sake of those around me? Yes! To deny the truth just to please certain people? No! I’ve tried to understand the other side of our family, but I haven’t been able to. However, I’m willing to share good times with them—dinners, weddings, parties, Christmas, giving gifts, and loving that little rascal—but I’ll never, ever forget that memorable evening. I can turn the page! And I will turn it, rewrite a new chapter—one that’s much more colorful—but that page will never fade away.