What? What did I just say? Did I really just say I can’t wait to sleep?
Yes.
Since I’m on maternity leave, Facebook is my best friend these days—but also my worst enemy. Every day I see posts and comments about babies’ sleep, and EVERY time, it blows my mind. According to many, it’s sacrilege to want to help your baby sleep longer. It’s an adult’s whim, and it borders on neglect not to rush to your baby the moment they make the slightest sound at night. There are SO MANY bad parents in Quebec! It’s so much better elsewhere!
Well, as for me—and I’ll even say it again—I can’t wait for my baby to sleep through the night. My baby will soon be 9 months old, and in his entire short life, he’s only slept through one full night. So I’m trying to teach him how to fall asleep and soothe himself, because I believe it’s a favor to both of us—and to the rest of the family. When I know he’s not hungry, he’s not in pain, and he’s not scared, I let him cry for two minutes, and more often than not, he ends up falling back asleep.
I don’t do this because of any pressure society might put on me. I don’t do it because I think that’s what it takes to be a successful mother. I do it because I need sleep to be a better mother to my children. There are days when I’m so exhausted that I’m afraid to get behind the wheel. I’m less alert, less patient with my family. As a parent, an adult, and a human being, I don’t think it’s a whim to want and hope to sleep at night. It’s a necessity.
I’m tired of being made to feel like a selfish person. I’m tired of being told that I’m not “present enough at night” or that if I didn’t want to take care of a child at night, I shouldn’t have had one in the first place. Seriously?
I’ve been sleeping 10 hours a night for 30 years, so yes, I find it hard to go from that to getting only 2 or 3 hours at a time overnight. That doesn’t mean I’m being selfish. I don’t love my child any less. I love him with all my heart, at any hour of the day or night, but I have the right to find this difficult and to try to change the situation.
I’m sick of complete strangers—who know nothing about my life and don’t know my baby—saying they feel sorry for him. I’ve got some news for them: not all babies are the same! Mine doesn’t like sleeping. He doesn’t “just need to be cuddled,” and I don’t withhold my affection from him at night, as many people think. In fact, if I rock him, he gets upset because he knows I’m trying to put him to sleep. What he wants is to party all night long, and I’m trying to teach him that’s something you do during the day!
No, my baby isn’t pitiful. He has no attachment issues; he loves me and trusts me. He has an excellent mother who takes care of him and meets all his needs. He’s simply learning to sleep. That’s all! We’re not talking about withholding affection from our babies at night. Much less letting them cry for hours on end until they’re exhausted. We’re talking about minutes.
I dream of the day when we won’t see this kind of guilt-inducing article anymore… and when people will stop trying to meddle in my household at night! My babies are doing just fine, gang J