For a while now, my body’s been keeping up, but my mind is somewhere else...
My mind is “at the end of its rope.” I’m “at the end of my rope.” I’ve put up with way too many things in my life that I no longer accept.
What I find hardest is that no one asks me how I’m doing, no one asks me if I need anything. Why? Because I’ve never needed help; I’ve always shown that I was fine—I’ve never asked for anything. People didn’t have to ask me, because the way I acted projected a sense of happiness. Even today, I project that image even when I’m not doing well. The people around me never had to help me, because I didn’t show any signs of suffering or distress.
Now, at 30, my needs have changed. I’m drowning because I’ve been giving so much without receiving anything in return. I wait for people to offer to help me instead of asking for it, which is unrealistic. I’m waiting for something I won’t get: no one knows that. But asking for anything isn’t in my nature—I hate it.
In short, I’m not writing this to elicit pity or to have everyone around me fall at my feet to support me and start showing me affection. I’m writing this for people who are like me. Don’t be like me. Don’t wait until you’re drowning.
Ask for help, ask for a hug, express your needs. You have the right to—everyone does! Except me, except us—the people who give everything but never ask for anything in return.