After giving birth for the first time, I noticed that my memory was failing me at times. I’d always had a memory like an elephant and could remember practically everything, but I started forgetting little things: an appointment, something my boyfriend had asked me to do, and so on. I’d already heard about the "mommy brain", a term moms use to describe, among other things, their memory lapses caused by a new mom’s brain being overwhelmed. I even talked to my doctor about it because it really worried me. He reassured me by explaining that it could be caused by hormonal imbalances and fatigue—that, since everything was new, my brain was working at full speed, and that I needed to give myself time to adjust to this new life as a mom. So I told myself I’d wait it out and that everything would get back to normal soon.
Several years have gone by, and it still hasn’t come back. If anything, it’s the opposite! My forgetfulness is becoming more and more frequent and significant. I’m now afraid of forgetting things, which causes unnecessary stress that’s eating away at me from the inside. At first, my boyfriend would point it out jokingly and tease me when I forgot something. Now, he doesn’t find it funny anymore and has gotten into the habit of writing down his own important things rather than just telling me—knowing that I used to take care of things myself, but now I forget.
What I don’t understand—and what frustrates me the most—is why I remember completely useless things (like the meal codes at the chicken restaurant where I worked as a teenager) while I’ve forgotten all the important milestones in my children’s lives (such as when they got their first teeth, when they were potty-trained, when they took their first steps, and so on). Honestly, no matter how hard I dig through every corner of my memory, I can’t remember any of that.
I’ve gotten into the habit of writing everything down, and now I’m not sure if I’m actually losing my memory or if my brain has just gotten lazy and is deliberately deleting information after I’ve written it down. I don’t have much hope that things will get back to normal; instead, I’m afraid of the moment when it starts to get worse and I lose control for good. The question that’s been haunting me now is: Do I have early-onset memory loss, or is it really possible that it’s just my brain being completely overloaded? I’m not sure I want to know the answer…