Here, I’ll provide information and helpful advice to support new moms and ensure the well-being of the newborn. Why? To help you build better relationships with new parents—whether you’re the baby’s grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, neighbors, etc.
First, don’t take it personally when you say no—it’s not convenient for you to have last-minute visitors. When this decision isn’t respected, it causes tension in your relationships. Think about it for a moment: the new mom is probably in pain and has trouble walking or moving around. If she’s breastfeeding, her breasts are likely engorged, sore, or have been expressed a little too often. Both parents are on completely erratic schedules; they’re sleeping in 2- to 3-hour bursts interrupted by feedings, diaper changes, spit-ups—and now, last-minute visitors? It’s possible that, exhausted as they are, they don’t feel like seeing people show up unannounced.
Second, they have a lot of housework piled up, and if the mom is anything like me, she’s almost certainly going to hate this impromptu visit. Why? She wants her house AND herself to be at least somewhat presentable—even if you say, “That’s not what I came to see” or that you “just happened to be in the neighborhood,” it’s still an unpleasant moment for the whole household! These parents need rest and to feel that their decisions are respected.
Third, speaking of respecting decisions, don’t be offended if the parents refuse to let the baby be passed around from one person to another. This little human being who’s just discovered life is exhausted, too—he just wants to be with his parents and not become a tourist attraction. The parents decide when the baby can be held, how often, and—for heaven’s sake—ask the parents if you can hold the child: they’ll be delighted if it’s a good time. This will help avoid any tension between you.
Fourth, it’s important to return the child to the parents when they ask for him or when the child is crying. Parents have the right to want to take their child back to provide basic care—to feed him, rock him, and put him to bed—and they want to do it themselves. Even if you say, “I’ve had kids before—I know what this is like!” this one isn’t yours; he doesn’t react the same way and doesn’t have the same needs—and it’s not your place to decide!
In closing, I just ask that you respect parents and the choices they make for their children, whether they’re a few months old or almost adults. And above all, don’t question their decisions! That way, your visits will be appreciated and enjoyable.