When we think about school for our child, two things come to mind: tears and joy. We can hardly believe we’ve already reached this point. Every possible question runs through our minds, the most common being, “Is he ready?”
Ready to face everything that’s coming. It’s a whole bunch of new adventures, like taking the bus or walking to school like a big kid. Our ultimate solution is to trust him; that’s the most sensible way to calm our anxieties. We support him as best we can, and he forges his own path. It’s moving—just like a mom. It’s hard to hide the emotions—that kind of forced smile with puffy, tear-filled eyes.
Whether it’s our first back-to-school day or not, I don’t think we ever fully get used to it—except that we have a better idea of what to expect the next few times around. We place our complete trust in this environment, and we allow ourselves to dream about our child’s future, only to realize that, in the end, everything happens all too quickly.
There’s still one thing, though, that no one can control: how other kids will welcome them. Every child is different, and that’s perfect just the way it is. It’s what makes it all beautiful, actually. On the other hand, if you, too, have a shy child, you’ll naturally have more worries. You try to stay confident; over time, they’ll find their own place.
Then, for some reason you can’t explain, things turn out differently. Kids can be mean to each other—that’s no secret. If your child doesn’t know how to stand up for themselves, they end up alone in the middle of conflicts created by those who make fun of them, and often, despite apologies and attempts to intervene, nothing gets better. Your child starts to find going to school less fun, because it becomes a daily struggle. As a parent, you feel like you’ve lied to them in a way, because you’ve often told them, “At school, you’ll make lots of friends.” This situation—which no one wants—happens sometimes, though thankfully not all the time—but it’s not something you can ignore. Bullying shouldn’t be ignored, no matter what form it takes. Your child had no idea they’d have to fight to find their place, to be accepted. Every child has one and the same goal: to play.
So in the evening, when you ask how their day went and they start crying, dig a little deeper—don’t let things go too far. Going to school should be a wonderful part of their childhood—not something that ruins it. Bullying is invisible, if you will, but when you open your eyes a little wider, words and gestures that seemed like nothing more than jokes take on a whole new meaning. Yes, you have to develop a thick skin—we all do—but can we set boundaries? As a mom, your heart aches, your mind can’t believe it, but this cruelty has existed since the dawn of time and just happens to fall on someone who didn’t choose it.
We all know someone who went through something like this in school. We might even have laughed at them, too. Now that this could happen to our own child, we no longer feel like laughing—we just want to take action, to try to mend what’s been broken.
Thank you to those who are making a difference, little by little, day after day: together, we can bring about change and turn things around.