“To you, my little angel: you came here, and despite all the sadness in the world, you couldn’t stay. I want to believe that something better is waiting for you—a family that will love you as you deserve to be loved, two parents in love who will welcome you with the greatest joy in the world. Yes! I promise you it exists. Unfortunately, we aren’t that family. Your parents have just separated. Your dad and mom were fighting a lot, and you wouldn’t have been happy. Even though I love you and will always love you, I had to say goodbye to you. Maybe in another life. I hope so!”
These are the words I would have said to my child if they could have heard me, before I terminated my pregnancy. That taboo subject that so many dread: ABORTION.
I was afraid I’d break down just thinking about how many people might judge me. You have to understand that when someone makes this decision, they’ve taken the time to think it over a thousand and one times. It’s incredible what goes through our minds. Weighing the pros and cons. Plotting out Scenario A, Scenario B… I put on Arianne Moffatt’s song “Une poussière d’ange,” and the lyrics unsettled me: “Just at the wrong moment, a speck of an angel fell into you… You’d make a great mom, but not right now!”
Once the decision was made, I took action. An act that made me feel the pain right down to my fingertips.
Surprisingly, people didn’t judge me. Thank you, my friends; thank you, my family; and thank you to the nurses at the clinic. I can’t say that this terribly difficult ordeal is behind me. It’s with me—in my mind and in my heart as a mother. I don’t know how long I’ll keep shedding these tears, but to this day, I’m certain I made the right decision.
Anonymous